These are the people and things I talk about…


My/The medical school’s psychologist – I started seeing her my first year of med school (go to “The Ex” if you’re wondering why). She was the first mental health professional I had ever gone to for help. She helped me at first when I was very raw and emotional, and then we had a fallout because of my “borderline-ness”. But I still have contact with her every once in a while and we’re on good terms.

M – My first psychiatrist, whom I grew very attached to after I began seeing her in 2012. I saw her almost weekly until she finished her fellowship training and graduated. She was the one who helped me truly begin my healing process, and I owe my life to her (not exaggerating).

G – My psychologist, whom I started seeing after being hospitalized for the first, and hopefully last, time. G is awesome, she’s never afraid of telling it like it is and putting me back in line when I get sidetracked. I feel I can be completely open about anything and everything with her. I’m lucky to have her with me on this journey.

R – My second psychiatrist (after M). Began seeing her in 2014. She has surpassed all of my expectations. R is quiet, reserved, likes to reflect on things and take her time, yet I’ve found myself singing with her in session and talking about foreign swear words. Like G, I feel I can trust her with anything and I’m lucky to have her. She’s the type of psychiatrist I want to be like.

MM – One of my sisters, who’s become my confidante. We’ve become very close since I was diagnosed with depression.

Y – My other sister. I have a very good relationship with Y but wish I could get closer to her. We share a lot of interests and a knack for humor.

The Ex – Married man I was with for too many years…and who just so happened to be my high school teacher. I like to call it the relationshiT, because that’s truly what it was. The end of the relationshiT was the reason I started seeing my/the medical school’s psychologist and it took me 3 years in therapy to realize it was abuse.

The guy (circa 2013) – A guy I met while on vacation who I had a huge crush on.

The surgery/ophthalmology resident – Yet another, unavailable guy, I had a huge crush on.

Other Med School Guy – A guy…from another med school….who I was seriously crushing on and invited on a date. We went on a single date, my first date ever. And shortly after that he stopped answering texts or making any effort to contact me. Bummer. At least he gave me something I hadn’t experienced before: a date with a person my age and being genuinely curious about someone else.

Gustav – See this post, and this post. In summary: I let myself get carried away too quickly, it was bad timing, we weren’t on the same page, and I deserved better. But we’re on good terms, and still friends.

The Russian – Doctor-type I dated around September through November 2015. This is what I previously said about him: “He makes me smile, even when he’s not next to me.” I’m changing that now to: I fell for his rainbows and unicorns. He ghosted in a nasty way. A-hole. Second edit: We’re dating again in 2016. And round 2 so far has made up for the shitstorm that was his ghosting. A lot has changed and there’s potential here. No regrets.

C/Pizza guy – Met him by way of a mutual friend shortly after the Russian in 2015. We dated very briefly. He seemed promising but then the flame died on my part. Just good friends now.

Platonic dude – We sort of dated from Jan 2016 to March 2016. He’d been my platonic crush since first year of undergrad. I thought we weren’t a good match on our first date. Then I gave him a chance because he insisted and I started liking him a lot. He ended everything 3 months later saying he didn’t think we were a good match after all. We’re on good terms.


The RelationshiT and The A-word – Anything pertaining to The Ex/the abuse.

USMLE Step 1 – First board exam medical students in the US have to take. I took it and passed the little fucker!

USMLE Step 2 CK – Second board exam medical students in the US have to take after Step 1. I passed this one too!

USMLE Step 2 CS – Another test….the third one in the series. This one is a practical test, where you interview a set of standardized patients (aka: random people who are paid to act like patients), do physical exams, write patients notes, etc. And yes, I also passed this fucker!

USMLE Step 3 – The last in the series of “Steps”. Will probably take it during residency. Bring it on…

AOA – Also known as Alpha Omega Alpha, a national honor society of medical students. To be able to belong to AOA you have to first be nominated based on criteria like grades, Step 1 scores, and your résumé. After that, you might get an invitation to join.

ERAS – I’ll leave it to Wikipedia to explain this one. Basically, it’s the “thing” that 4th year medical students in the US use to apply to various residency spots in the nation’s hospitals. Think of it as a giant application that is sent to any hospital you want to apply to in the hopes that they will invite you to an interview. If they invite you to an interview, and you go through said interview and decide you like the place, then you put them on your Rank Order List (see below).

Rank Order List – This is the list you make of the hospitals/residencies you are interested in (and that interviewed you). You’re supposed to put each hospital/residency in order of preference. #1 would be the place you are desperately and utterly hoping you will be chosen to do your residency at. Sounds simple, right? Not. This list is sent to what is called the NRMP (again, see Wikipedia). At the same time, the big guns at the residency programs you interviewed at, make a list of applicants in their order of preference and send them to the NRMP too (Example: Hospital X’s psychiatry program desperately wants me as one of their residents next year -I’m flattered!- so they put me in as their #1 candidate in their list).

The Match – (Scares me to think about this one!) The NRMP (which I mentioned above) takes the student’s rank order lists and the program’s lists of candidates and uses some random algorithm to “match” them. The end result is either: A) you match at a program you put in your rank order list, which means you will be a resident at that program next year (hooray!), or B) you don’t match anywhere….and cry. (Just kidding, there’s a second chance to match at leftover spots if you don’t match in the first round….but you’ll still cry.)

Match Day – (This one scares me too!) The day 4th year medical students learn whether they matched at a residency. It’s the third Friday of March each year. Lots of emotions flying in the air on this day… (Edit: on 3/18/2016 I matched into my #1 choice! I’m going to be a psychiatrist!)


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