Spotty fugly-ball

I feel so fugly.

I feel so fugly I don’t want to go out. And I haven’t during the whole day.

My skin is breaking out like crazy and of course I haven’t made it any better by constantly picking. I don’t remember when was the last time I felt so consistently ugly for so many weeks in a row. 2016 is a good year so far…except beauty-wise.

I feel so ugly it makes me anxious. I don’t want to go out unless I wear truckloads of makeup and even if I do I’m constantly self-conscious about people looking at me and thinking my face is too caked over.

Thoughts like “He’s probably thinking I’m a ‘butterface'” cross my mind constantly. And the worst part is: right now I wholeheartedly believe I’m a “butterface”.

I’m even afraid of the Russian thinking I look nasty or something, or that whenever he looks at me or kisses me he can see the amount of cake I have on.

My skin was moderately bad as a teenager, then I got some respite during medical school, and now I’m back to being a spotty fugly-ball. What the hell happened?

I just want it to be over already. For someone who was badly scarred by bullying there’s nothing worse than having the cause of your bullying turn on you a second time around. What did I do to deserve this?

Why can’t I just be pretty? Why can’t my face just be…normal?

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2 comments
  1. Why can’t my body just be normal. One can argue you can at least use makeup to cover up. I can’t always find clothes to hide the fat….

    Your skin is probably adjusting to the new climate! Mine does that every time I switch zones. :[ tons of water!! No caffeine or chocolate or grease.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh, you’re right. Although right now I guess I’m having and “ok” streak body-wise. I’m expecting it to get nasty again once the anxiety and new feeling wear off đŸ˜¦

      And you’re right about the climate. Definitely affecting my skin.

      Liked by 1 person

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