This only covers 1% of it

I’m feeling shitty. It’s been a crappy and boring day, with a gray sky to top it off. Hating life right now, which makes no sense because I’m having it veeeerrrryyyy easy. But I just spent the whole day at home, in my room, and that always breaks me.

This past week has been filled with highs and lows.

The highs involve a guy I’ve been talking to since December. He helped me study for the Step 2 CS and we’ve sort of hit it off since then. We’ve known each other for about 8 years, but have only really connected and started talking…now. We went to the same universities for undergrad and med school, and he was always kind of a platonic crush for me.

I don’t know, it’s just very unexpected, basically. Life certainly gives you some pretty big surprises.

But, I’m not going into details about him right now. It’s pointless. We’re at a pre-dating stage, if that even exists. I wish something would happen with him, though. Trying to hold back on letting those feelings develop. Trying to not hold my breath for him. At all.

I’m starting to get jaded and skeptic with men. Have I already reached that stage?! I mean, I’ve only been in the dating game for one meager year!

Speaking of dating, remember C? I’ll dub him Pizza guy. We’re just friends now. I was the one who put a stop to it and (maybe?) broke his heart. I slowly realized we had absolutely nothing in common career-wise and things I liked about him at first started turning into things I didn’t like about him. Plus, he’s a pessimist. I can’t date someone who so terribly reminded me of my mom. Big no-no.

So, we’re just friends now. It was an awkward conversation, but oh so necessary. I made sure I wasn’t an asshole like the Russian.

This post just turned into one giant ramble about men. Sorry (not really).

I don’t know. Just felt like blaming men for my current low. I’m not making any sense. Sorry (for real this time).


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