I’m fat and I just want to not eat forever. Haven’t been able to fast in so long. I’m pathetic.
Woke up a little while ago. In addition to calling myself fat after body checking my stomach area, I continue to hate myself for not being the Russian’s girlfriend. Why did he pick her and not me? He never gave signs of being a potential ghost. What happened, then?
And why did he fucking contact me?
All the things we talked about, his telling me “I love listening to you ramble”, the jokes, the intimacy, the future plans….all of it down the drain.
His girlfriend seems nice. Smarter, more successful, more driven, and most importantly not a mental screw-up like me.
All I know is, I’d rather focus on the pain of being fat than the pain of the Russian. At least I can do something about fatness.