I purged a small portion of my dinner a little while ago. I feel like a failure for not getting rid of more, but I let it all fester in my stomach for too long after eating.
I have petechiae around my eyes now, as always happens. But, and this is new, while purging I could feel the acid burning my throat. Plus, the fact that dinner was particularly spicy didn’t help matters either.
It’s been about an hour since that happened and I can still feel a chunk of barely digested food/vomit hanging around the back of my throat. It refuses to go down no matter how much I swallow. Glamorous, right?
Triggers today: eating too much, my distended abdomen, the number on the scale this morning, not being able to take dance class due to being away from home, feeling mildly depressed and barely moving today, all the new things and changes happening in my life…
November marks the most difficult month of the year for me. I get depressed any time of the year, but November is pretty consistent since my teens. Being on the interview trail now has its pros and cons…I have a huge distraction to keep my mind off November and all it represents, but the pressure also has the potential to break me on a month I am already fragile to begin with.
Today was the Ex’s birthday. After waking up I checked facebook on my phone and smiled at some silly videos. But my smile instantly disappeared the second I noticed the date the screen was displaying.
Every year during the month of November I expect the Ex’s wife to pop into my life once again and call me a whore and threaten to ruin me. It’s tradition.
Ironically, November is the Russian’s favorite month of the year. Oh dear…
So far, 2015 has been different in a good way, so I hope November 2015 is no exception.