Early morning post

It takes me a solid hour to get out of bed. I’m awake during that hour, but I’m ruminating. About depression, about death, about how I’m an idiot and immature, about how I just want to sleep once and for all and never wake up again. Frozen, in my body and in time. But that’s the sad part: time keeps passing. Thinking about how a bit of cuddling and an “I’m here” from an imaginary significant other would come in handy right now. But no, I can’t count on others to get me out of bed. I have to do this on my own, for myself. Nobody but myself is going to take Step 2 CK in two days.

How do I get out of this bed on my own? I have no idea how.

So I just push myself to do it. Day in and day out. And sometimes it turns out to be an OK day or even a good day. But how do I hold onto hope when I feel so miserable in the early morning?

I don’t. I just try and let the feeling pass.

But sometimes it doesn’t.

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8 comments
    • I know, but I got out of bed. So, depression: 0 – me: 1 😉 will continue trudging on as long as I can.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Naijascorpio said:

    Hugs!!!! I’m here! Wish I could be of help but you can do this. One day at a time.

    Like

  2. Okay, this post makes me sad. I’ve followed along on your blog ever since I started blogging a few months ago and you seem like a deeply complex, passionate and incredibly talented young woman. You have the whole world in your pocket and the rest of life ahead of you. This is a rut. A blip in time that you will reminisce about years later and sort of grin about how it helped you develop a few gray hairs or a fine line on your face. Hang in there.
    And good luck on your test. I am certain you will prevail.
    One other piece of advice…automatic espresso maker. that will wake you up in the morning 🙂

    Like

    • Hey hun, thanks for following, reading, commenting, and whatnot. Will definitely be following your blog now.

      Thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much to me. And you were oh so right, it was a blip, a rut. And I’m glad it was just that. Depression’s got nothing on me.

      Hope to hear more of you! Take care!

      Liked by 1 person

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