Just had lunch about an hour ago and I’ve been antsy for the whole hour because I want to purge so bad. Just sitting here, writing my patient notes was a distraction but I’m done with my work for now and I have no distraction. I can feel the horrible distension, fullness, feeling like there’s food in the back of my throat, gag reflex just waiting to be activated. But no, I’m at hospital and the only semi-private bathroom is in the resident’s area, and there’s residents there right now. Plus, I feel way too much shame even considering purging at hospital. But god, this feeling of fullness is just intolerable and so DISGUSTING. I can’t take it anymore. Plus, I purged on Monday, I don’t want to do it twice in a week.
Crossing my fingers the fullness will go away sooner rather than later so I can continue semi-restricting.
This is pathetic. But I also can’t stop.