Maybe if we were the last people on Earth, and there were no sheep…

Oh my…I am so tired. I don’t even know what that last post was about. This whole not sleeping thing is really getting to me. Yes, dance class makes me feel wonderful, but only when I can muster up the energy to go and dance the whole hour and a half. Last week I had to stop halfway through some routines because I was too damn tired to keep going. In other words, I have zero stamina.

Yesterday I fell asleep on my bedroom floor. Keeping my back straight while I sleep helps, seeing as my shitty sleep has me with daily back pain. 10mg of Ambien doesn’t help, it’s like taking a breath mint. Melatonin doesn’t help. Earplugs don’t help. Relaxing noises app doesn’t work. I. Am. A. Zombie. I feel like I’m being stretched thin as the seconds go by. And today….today I woke up feeling so utterly depressed. Hadn’t woken up feeling like that in quite a while.

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s only a matter of time until the good times will come to a stop and I’ll be so sleep deprived depression will come-a-knocking more persistently.

Geez, I have way too much in my head right now. Sleep deprivation, away rotation applications, Step 2 CK, food, food, food….did I mention food?

There’s something wrong with me and I can’t put my finger on what it is. That’s never a good sign.

  1. The uncertainty adds to the problems. And yet we feel scared of being certain too, at times. Scared of what form that certainty would take…


  2. Anxious Mom said:

    Insomnia is hell. My doc added klonopin to take an hour or so before the 12.5 mg Ambien (thinking that maybe my anxiety was interfering with the ambien somehow), but that didn’t do anything either. I hope you’re able to get some rest soon.


  3. The fact you are aware of something not being right is a great sign in your own mental awareness. Stay strong (as much as you can). I am insomniac as well and was recently prescribed Zopiclone (Zimovane or Imovane). It helps me fall asleep and stay asleep for at least 5 hours. Big hugs.


    • Hey! Thank you for your support and hugs, hun. They’re very much appreciated. I sometimes think back to how clueless I was about myself when I first began therapy. Oh, how I’ve progressed!


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