Fucking Food

I hate food.
I hate everything to do with food.
I hate that my dad only thinks and talks about food.
I hate how food feels inside.
It can taste good, but it always feels horrible later.
I hate how food controls me.
I hate how I control food.
I love how I control food.
I love controlling my food.
I hate the constant thoughts about intake, portions, how many carbs have I had today?
I hate how food makes me feel.
I hate how food makes me look.
I hate when people ask me whether I ate or not.
Let ME decide if I want to eat or not.
I hate how it feels.

I hate how I feel right now.

I hate feeling full.

I HATE feeling full.

(Stream of consciousness brought to you by the despair I’m feeling right now after eating too much for my comfort, aka: normal to small food portions.)

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5 comments
  1. Food controls me too. I know the feeling. Knowing that I have to eat, but can’t eat. The fullness, the nausea, the portion control. It is shit. I’m sorry you feel the same way x

    Like

    • Hey hun, it’s really crappy isn’t it? But I still have hope that I’ll have an *almost* healthy relationship with food someday. Take care 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s great that you can talk about how you feel, but it’s not great that you feel that way. I hope you are getting the help you want if you want it. It’s ok to feel ok.

    Like

    • Hey there, yes, writing to me is essential during this journey. I’ve made leaps in progress just because I’ve been forcing myself to write every single day (in my diary). I’m working with a psychologist and a psychiatrist currently, and I’m still wrapping my head around the whole “getting better food-wise”. I’m not quite there yet, but I have a feeling that when I do feel ready I won’t regret having decided to begin the journey alongside them.

      Take care 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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