Sorry for my lack of posting these past few days. I’ve had a lot happening and a lot on my mind.
So…guess who had her fist date ever with an actual guy on Sunday?
Yes! I went out for a relaxed dinner and some ice cream with the guy from this post.
How did this happen? Well, he finished his rotation at my hospital last Friday. But he’s from another med school in the city, so he lives relatively close by. And so, on Thursday, at the insistence of another third-year med student who is wiser and has more dating experience, I asked him out. Random, I know. Especially for me, considering the anxiety and how I’m very shy for these things. But the guy and I were talking in a hallway at one point, and I blurted it out, and he said “Of course, what did you have in mind?”….SCORE!
But then on Friday he changed plans, told me we would have to do a rain check and said he was going to a friend’s birthday party and that I could go if I wanted. Which made it sound like he wasn’t that interested, so I was pretty devastated. Told him I would go if I found someone to go with, but I didn’t even make the effort to ask my friends. Spent the day crying, devastated, depressed, a mess….which lasted all through Saturday.
And on Saturday MM gave me a speech. Told me that I made the first move, and it was his turn to demonstrate some interest. Also, she told me it was very ballsy of me to just ask him out. And I told her I was having trouble with all of this because it reminded me of The Ex and how I feel like a failure with men, and how I feel like I am just a “usable, abuse-able, piece of trash”.
But she told me something that really stuck with me. She said: “You really have to put these things on a scale. I mean, what The Ex did was horrible, he was the asshole of assholes, and more. This guy you’re interested in now, he’s probably just clumsy, and changing plans at the last minute is really just a mere stupid move…You can’t let small things like that remind you of the abuse because it’s just not comparable by any means.”
And she was right. I can’t let any little thing a guy does remind me of what The Ex did to me, because not everyone is like The Ex, and very few things are truly comparable to an experience of abuse.
And later that day, he texted me, asking me whether I had any plans. Geez!
But we didn’t do anything on Saturday. I decided to give it one last shot and asked him on Sunday whether he had any plans, and finally just blurted it out: “Are you still interested in that rain check?”
And he said it was a great idea! And he picked me up later in the night! And we went out! And it was great! Awkward as hell, but great nonetheless.
We both agreed that there should be a second time. I’m really excited. He seems like a really relaxed, humble guy, we had some great conversation over pizza and ice cream.
Whether or not we go out a second time, it’s up to him. Ball’s on his side of the court now, but he’s studying for Step 2 CS right now, which he takes next week, so if something does happen it probably won’t be for another week. Except texting….I’m anxiously waiting for some texts from him. Ugh, I feel like a 12 year-old.
So that’s a very short version of what’s been happening these past few days, and I hope that now you understand the reason for my short absence.
I’ll just finish with this: I really like this guy, he gives me really good vibes, and I would love for a second date to happen.