Tired, tired. Nothing new there, right? The trouble sleeping is really getting to me lately, but somehow I’ve been managing. I suspect it has to do with the positive energy MM gives me. As usual with me, the mornings are the most difficult time of the day.
This weekend was interesting. And I had a very interesting and awesome session with G today. I love it when that happens (which, fortunately, is almost always!).
But first, the updates. Yesterday I removed my dad’s surgical staples on my own. Can’t believe he trusted me with that, but I wasn’t lying when I told him I’d done it before during my surgery rotation. It’s funny how something as simple as removing a few staples can make you feel accomplished. He’s had a swift recovery and he’s doing great. Couldn’t ask for more.
I started my holiday break this week, which is awesome. So far pediatrics has been ok. I’ve had my ups and downs, and two attendings who kind of looked down on me (never had that happen before, and I suspect it has to do with my leave of absence…word has probably got around). I think the biggest issue is really my lack of sleep, more than med school.
So, the session with G…
In my previous post I mentioned abuse and such, which is something that has been very present in my mind lately. I was expecting to brush up on the topic today with her, but halfway through the session I realized I didn’t really feel like talking about that. There’s a time for everything, and today just wasn’t it. I think G picked up on that because near the end she told me she wasn’t going to give me any assignments as she didn’t want me thinking about my past during Christmas. I think that was very nice and thoughtful of her.
We talked about so many other things, and I felt incredibly mature today and tired but ok. I don’t think I can say enough good things about G, really. There was a very positive energy flowing in the session today.
And I’m so happy to have her as my psychologist. Really. I had my doubts at first with her, but that has definitely changed. I have a feeling we see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, or at least have the capacity to understand each others’ point-of-view if it’s different. I think she’s really open-minded, and like M, she truly cares about her patients and works her ass off to help them. And, most important of all, she knows how to deal with me. She just gets me.
We both agree that what the Ex did was abuse. And I don’t just mean that she understands what abuse is, but she understands my specific situation. She understands how initial “consent” does not negate the future possibility of abuse. She understands why 16 year-old me was initially attracted to the idea of the relationshiT. She understands how he basically brainwashed me and used my naivete against me. She also understands why I’m cautious at using the A-word and how society and culture has had a role in my hesitation at calling out the Ex on what he did.
Basically, she understands everything. And she’s never accused me of anything. She’s helped me see the gray, and helped me accept it.
So, it came as a surprise when she told me today that I’d make a good psychiatrist. Coming from her, I was flattered.
I really couldn’t ask for more.