I feel sick. I’m not feeling particularly optimistic today. Sorry.
November has really hit me hard. I mean, it always does, but this year I guess my body just decided to shut down. And with it, my mind has been on and off depending on the day and mood.
It’s always a shitty month for me. Once G asked me if I had ever noticed a specific time of the year when I got worse. I later got back to her and said that it was most definitely the month of November. So I guess this year was no exception.
I believe my first serious episode of depression was around the month of November 2005 or 2006. I remember I was constantly sleeping, and my parents started getting worried. But then with the relationshiT, everything seemed to always revolve around this month (and it still does). The Ex’s birthday is in November, the relationshiT started getting “serious” around November, the wife found out about us the first time another November….then in November of 2011 was when the wife found we were together for one final time (thankfully), November of 2013 I saw him and his family at that restaurant, and now around the end of October-November of this year the wife texted me yet again accusing me of being with her husband (which obviously isn’t true this time around).
So, yeah. November has a shitty track record in my life.
This year I’ve had to miss out on dance class the whole month of November because of my health. There’s always something that’s keeping me from sleeping so I’m always tired and relatively inactive, I had a nasty cold, also seem to have allergies, and now I’ve been having to deal with an embarrassing (and seriously itchy) skin problem that’s threatening to invade my face. Today I’ve been feeling nauseous for no particular reason. Fun times.
Speaking of which, R called me today. Well, I texted her and she called me back.
It was pretty awkward, but I got kind of spooked with my skin problems and just wanted to make sure she didn’t think it was the Prozac’s fault.
I confess, it was pretty calming to hear her voice on the other end reassuring me. Terribly embarrassing, nonetheless. I’m not one to contact my doctors via their private phone numbers on a weekend.
Maybe it’s a somatization problem. I don’t know. Oh, and I forgot to mention my ongoing food problems. I’ve been eating the shittiest food around. Seriously, I feel like a fat disgusting pig….and I keep eating junk food.
So that’s that. Hopefully December will bring with it some better health for me.