A New Beginning

I’m back. I was discharged yesterday from the hospital.

First off, I want to thank you all for your kind words of support. It really means a lot to me. I also want to apologize for not responding to whoever commented on my previous posts, but rest assured that I read each comment. Really, you all left me speechless and all I can say is thank you.

I spent a week in the psychiatric unit of a nearby hospital after M decided I was too suicidal and unstable. I think it was the best decision that could be made at the moment and I’m doing much better now. It was, surprisingly, a good experience.

Right now I’m stable and trying to be very mindful, also distracting myself as much as I can from medical school. Also, today I went in for an evaluation for a partial hospitalization program I was referred to. Now I just have to wait and see if my insurance approves it. If that happens then I’ll spend another week out of medical school and going to therapy and group sessions. I really hope my insurance approves it because I don’t feel quite ready to be thrown back into school after spending a week fully hospitalized. If that’s the case then I don’t really know where I’ll be headed med school-wise because I highly doubt I’ll be allowed to finish the pediatrics rotation, seeing as I would have missed way too much time.

But honestly, I think I’ve come to terms with delaying my progress in medical school for a little while. For the first time ever I’ve actually been putting my health first, and I don’t regret it one bit.

I have a lot of ideas and important thoughts in my head. I’ll be posting in the next few days and going more into detail about the hospitalization. For now, I just wanted to give a little update on my status and let you know that I’m still here and I’m feeling vulnerable but hopeful and strong.

I’m taking small steps and big steps all at the same time. But I genuinely feel things are only going to get better from here.

PS: I feel guilty for giving this post such a corny title, but it’s definitely how I feel at the moment. I’ll leave you a perfect musical rendition of how I feel at the moment….

  1. I AM SO IMPRESSED! Well done. I am so happy for you. I mean, I'm not happy that you had to experience all of the bad things leading up to this, but I think it is fantastic that you are taking a healthy approach to this. Your health should come first, always. I really hope that your insurance will pay for the extra week.
    Keep on being awesome. I know that you can make it.
    P.S: about the question you asked me a while ago – it's a little complicated (isn't it always), but essentially, yes. I'm in my final year now and it is threatening to become a bigger problem again.


  2. Anonymous said:

    I'm glad to hear you had a good experience and are doing better! It's funny, even though many people dread hospitalization I always thought it sounded kind of pleasant, to be someplace safe where people are taking care of you and you don't have to focus on anything but getting better. I've never been hospitalized so I don't know what it's really like but I would not be afraid to go if I were ever in a dark place again. Anyway, look forward to hearing more about what you learned there! – Azure


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