Every morning is filled with dread

Yesterday the surgery rotation ended. Finally.

In spite of that I don’t feel very well. The thing is, I took the final exam yesterday (shelf exam) and it was pretty bad. I felt that in roughly 50% of the questions I was clueless. I’m very worried, and I can’t stop thinking about that. If I don’t pass the test then I have to repeat it, but honestly I don’t want to have to repeat it. In addition, it will affect my grade.

Meanwhile, I passed the surgery practical exam. So, at least I won’t have to repeat that one.

But I can’t help but feel like an absolute failure. I really, really, don’t want to have to repeat that test.

So, I have this weekend off. Will begin the pediatrics rotation on Monday. Not looking forward to it much, but at least it’s not surgery.

I just feel very sad. And weird. I feel like I have so much free time this weekend and have no idea what to do with it. I get anxious because I’m so used to studying that when I don’t have to study it feels pretty foreign. That’s kind of pathetic.

Honestly, I don’t even know what I feel. And I’m isolating. I was invited to a birthday party today and I don’t feel like going.

I want to sleep and not wake up.

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