Attached

I was feeling pretty sad yesterday.

I went to a health fair with two friends to volunteer. That was in the morning. Things were going ok and I felt energized next to my friends.

However, everything took a turn when I got home. After a few hours I decided to text my crush to ask him some questions about ophthalmology. Granted, I was simply hoping I could start up a decent conversation. Last time I had spoken to him was on Wednesday, and as he always tells me to not hesitate to ask him questions, well, I did.

I was taken aback by his responses. First off, he took quite a while to respond. On top of that, he was very curt, or at least that’s how I felt he was being. So that’s why my day took a turn.

And then I realized that I was letting my BPD thoughts get out of hand. First, I barely know this guy. Second, he doesn’t owe me anything. I was splitting him in black and white and I was letting myself get carried away.

I’m getting way too attached to this guy.

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2 comments
  1. Oh honey, I've been in this exact same place. The littlest thing can make or break my entire day. And the stupid thing is that I used to think I was a strong independent woman, but how can I be if I let a guy have such an impact on me? But I think it's more than that – it's my need for people in general, whether male or female, romantic or platonic.

    Anyways, how are you feeling now? When this stuff happens to me, I make a list of positive vs. perceived negative things the guy has done. And I am sure that you will see that the positive list is much longer. Like he's really gone out of his way a few times to help you, right? And you never know what kind of day he was having yesterday. I don't know if you're like me, but since I'm very sensitive I go out of my way to be really empathetic and kind no matter how I'm feeling because I know how one negative or even neutral interaction can affect me. But most people aren't like that and you have to remember that it has nothing to do with you. So I have also written lists of every possible reason I can think of for their actions.

    I am so glad that I am not the only one who gets affected by texts. I am so nutty when it comes to messaging. Sometimes I take hours to reply to a text because I like having the ball in my court so to speak and I know that if I text back, I'll just be left hanging waiting for their reply. When I am waiting for a text, I will also sometimes not text anybody at all in case these people write back instead. When I hear that wonderful little alert and go to check my phone but it's not the guy I'm waiting to hear from, my heart sinks.

    I hope you are feeling better today!

    Sending you lots of love,
    K

    Like

  2. K,

    I just wrote a pretty terrible post, but it stays. My day wasn't the best, not because anything happened, but because I have so many insecurities in my head and they're driving me insane.

    I like your idea of writing down a list. Will do. I can already say that the only perceived negative about this guy is that he was curt the other day. So, that makes me feel better. He has so many positives going for him, I have to say. But there's the fact that nothing will ever happen between us. I guess I'll just enjoy the fantasizing and imagining scenarios.

    Ugh, I too am super nutty about texts. Trust me.

    My insecurities are really driving me insane. I can't stand it anymore. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. I have an appointment with M, so that should help.

    How's your week going so far?

    Take care,

    Like

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