So, I received a letter in the mail today. Bad news (I guess, if you could call it that): I wasn’t chosen for AOA after all.
I was sure I wasn’t going to be chosen, but I still had a bit of hope in the back of my mind. My grades have been pretty crappy in third year up until now, but I still had hope. I was bummed at first, but then I spoke with a friend of mine who was also nominated but wasn’t chosen. She told me some things that left me thinking, like the fact that we definitely don’t fit in with the crowd that was chosen, and that the top students in my class are pretty despicable; while she also told me that being nominated means we’re in the top 30 of our class, an honor in and of itself.
So, I’m feeling better now. Still a bit hurt, but whatever. Hopefully I’ll get over it.
In other news, I’ve been doubting these past few days whether I want to leave for residency. The thing is, the psychiatry rotation coordinator told me that the program at home is still pretty psychotherapy-oriented, while other programs in the US are now focusing on psychiatrists as pill-prescribers. And I’m a pretty pro-psychotherapy-in-psychiatry kind a gal.
Plus, another thing that is making me have doubts is the fact that my sister, MM, told me that she and her boyfriend are considering getting married and coming home to live. Big news!
And in other “other” news…I’m doubting whether I want to be a psychiatrist at all.
I’ve always harbored an interest in ophthalmology, but never really gave it much thought because I always dismissed it as a field that’s way too competitive for my average résumé and scores. I’ve always, since I was a little girl, been fascinated by eyes. Plus, I saw an ophthalmology surgery recently and was absolutely mindblown. And, finally, one of my medical role-models is my own ophthalmologist.
I don’t know where all these questions about my career will take me. I have so many insecurities about whether I’d make a good psychiatrist at all. I wonder, all the time, whether I’d be able to do the things that M does for me…whether I’ll be wise enough to say the right things.
I just feel so damn lost!