Tired. Tired. Tired. All the effing time. That’s what surgery’s about.
And the sad part is that I’m tired of doing nothing. Today I got in at 6:30am, finished my work at 10am, but wasn’t discharged until 2:30pm. All those hours wasted away, when I have a test next Thursday. Needless to say, I’m pissed.
Plus, it’s Valentine’s Day. Damn it. Never really liked this holiday very much. When I was little, I was the one with the fewest Valentine’s Day cards, and now that I’m older I’m the one without a boyfriend. Always lacking something. To top it all off, we’re having a family gathering today, so again, I’ll be the only one without a significant other.
Speaking of significant others, I haven’t gotten over my crush with the surgery resident. I keep thinking about him, and the fact that I saw him on Wednesday isn’t helping. We had a surgery didactic on Wednesday, and he was there. I had to go up to him because I had some papers he had to sign for me. He asked me how I was, and where I was rotating this week (pediatric surgery service, which thankfully is over now). Then he told me that if I needed anything, to not hesitate to contact him. And then he asked me if I still had his phone number. And I kept thinking: Of course I still have your number.
The sad part about all of this is that I know I have to stop myself from fantasizing and thinking about him because he has a girlfriend. But, damn it, it’s so difficult when he’s so nice and asks me if I still have his number. I’m even looking forward to next Wednesday now because we have didactics again and he’ll probably be there. Hell, I’m even looking forward to being on call because of this faint hope that he’ll be on call too.
It’s like I can’t control my goddamn thoughts. They drift to him automatically. Sooner than later I’ll have to slap myself across the face just to snap out of it. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
So frustrated right now.