Closure

I’m so tired. And I think I won’t get any studying done today, honestly.

Today I had the appointment with my school’s psychologist, the one I stopped seeing for therapy back in 2012. It was interesting, and it was a good move on my part, scheduling an appointment with her. It was very awkward, sitting in her office’s couch again.

I gave her a very general update of how things have been going since. Told her about failing exams this year, and ironically being nominated for AOA. We talked about the rotations I’ve been busy completing, about how wonderful M is and how I still see her weekly for therapy. Also told her about how I’m not depressed anymore, and how I have BPD.

I told her about how I saw my Ex at a restaurant, and about his wife later insulting me by text messages. She was genuinely interested in my current life and in catching up.

But, the most important part was when I told her why I stopped seeing her. The tension was building up until that moment and I could feel myself getting red in the face. I just suddenly blurted: “Do you want to know why I stopped seeing you?”, and she said yes.

I told her the truth, how I was in really bad shape emotionally in 2012 and that I had sent her an e-mail at that time and she never replied. She was surprised that the reason was so simple. But I then proceeded to explain to her how all of it relates to having BPD….how I felt seriously hurt and abandoned at the time, but that I eventually learned to control those thoughts with therapy.

It was good closure. I highly doubt I’ll be seeing her again for therapy, however. She’s a good psychologist, just not the right fit for me.

And I’m OK with that.

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