Distant

I saw my mom cry yesterday.

That’s the second time I see her cry recently. Last time was in December when one of the dogs ate one of the Christmas tree ornaments and made a mess in the house. This time around it was because of a tiny thing MM did. She started talking about how none of us (her children) care about her.

Since yesterday, then, I’ve been thinking mom might be going through another depressive episode. *Sigh*

In spite of everything, I love my mother dearly, and of course I care about her. It hurt when she said that we didn’t care about her. It makes me think that maybe she regrets having the four of us, that she regrets the life she chose as a mother. Sometimes I think she hates her life, and yesterday was one of those days.

To deal with all of this, I’ve been blocking my emotions. I’ve been keeping myself far away from her to give her some space and to protect myself too.

The sad part is, I’ve been seriously considering leaving town for residency lately. I’ve been drifting toward that option, searching for programs, looking at different cities, etc. That would leave my mother alone with my father. I don’t know if that’s good for her or not, but it’s a way of protecting myself.

I feel like I’m abandoning her.

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4 comments
  1. Julie T said:

    If you mom is going having an episode, why don't you take her to get a main or a pedi together and then do some lunch. A little special time to show her that you do care. make a special dinner or just do something you know she would never expect to be done for her just because you care. She probably does feel no one cares and it sounds like she is reaching out the only way she knows how. keep is simple personal and sweet…that's the only think I would like as a mother going through changes in live growing older and the children eventually do not need their mother.

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  2. Doc said:

    Hi ,
    I'm sorry your mom is sad. I like Julie's advice. But, ultimately, you have to be healthy to help her. Ask your siblings to step up and provide support for your parents during this important time in your life. Then go where you need to go and do what makes you happy.
    Doc

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  3. Julie,
    thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. I'll be sure to come up with something for her. It really hurt to hear her say that we don't care about her, but you're right in saying that it's the probably the only way she knows how to reach out.

    Take care!

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  4. Doc,
    You're definitely right, I need to be healthy to help her. I think I've gotten to a plateau point in my recovery and it's affecting my stability. Hopefully things will get better, and hopefully I can help my mom in the process. I'll be sure to post more about this.

    Take care!

    Like

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