A little blue

For some reason I don’t feel 100% OK.

Why not? There’s so many things to be thankful for right now….my sister’s here for Christmas…I’m on Christmas vacations…I have nothing to do….I’ve spent my time going out with family and friends.

However, I can’t help but feel sad for some reason. I’ve been thinking about my career, about how I sometimes feel like I’m just drifting with eyes closed into medicine. But I will not quit, I’ve gotten this far already.

I’ve also been having trouble accepting my body. The first thing my sister, MM, told me when we met up with her at the airport was “You look fluffy.” She didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it still hurt. I can’t stand it when I look myself in the mirror. I feel disgusting. I used to be so small. Then a friend told me that I had more “curves”, which also sent me into a panic.

Then there’s the fact that I miss M. I want to have therapy, but it’s Christmas vacations, and I won’t get to see her until January 14th.

I’m sorry this post is so short and random. I just don’t even know where to start.

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