I effing passed!

I PASSED THE OBGYN PRACTICAL TEST RE-TAKE!!!!

I’m so happy, I still can’t believe it. I worked up the courage to send an e-mail to the course coordinator yesterday asking whether I passed, and she responded that I did! So this means that I still have hope of passing the rotation. Since I also failed the ObGyn written exam, I have to re-take that one too, but in June. And I will pass that one too, you’ll see.

And as for feeling happy…M and I spoke about me feeling my emotions on our last appointment. She told me that I have to allow myself to feel emotions, that I can’t be flat all the time since it will just cause me to compensate with bad behaviors (like cutting, which I haven’t done in quite a while thankfully). I learned not to show my emotions when I was little, when I wouldn’t receive a reaction from my mom. I learned not to show my emotions because there was no point in doing it.

So right now, I’m happy because I passed. However, I’m having a hard time demonstrating that happiness.

Does anyone else have this problem where they don’t show their emotions just to protect themselves?

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