Flying Free

Wow, long day today. And I’ve still got to study, so it will probably be a long night.

Had a test today. Got a very nice score and that made my day.

Then at hospital I got out at 4pm. I saw the HIV patient that I spoke about in one of my previous posts. I got kind of attached to her. She was leaving the hospital today. It kind of got to me, the fact that I’ll never see her again. But, I guess I have to get used to the feeling if I want to excel at this career.

Then I saw the other patient I got attached to, the cancer patient. It really saddened me to see her, because it’s been 2 days since she had a surgery to remove part of her colon, and she looked so weak. But I greeted her with a smile, that she returned, and that sort of made me feel a little bit more sound. But honestly, I don’t think I could ever forget her.

Yesterday I saw M. We had a good appointment. I thought it wouldn’t be good because so much time had passed (4 weeks), but it flowed nicely. I told her about seeing my Ex and what happened with his wife. She was in shock. But she was proud of me for the way I reacted, for not letting it get to me too much and for not responding the wife’s text messages. She basically told me that it’s fortunate that it happened now that I’m stronger and my own person, instead of when I was at my weakest.

We also talked about my having to decide whether I want to leave town or stay for residency. She told me that if I decide to leave, it should be based on a genuine wish to explore and experience positive things. She said that I shouldn’t decide to leave simply because it will give me absolute freedom from my Ex, not having him near.

I have an important decision to make. And it’s driving me nuts!

But overall, it’s been a few good days. No BPD in the way…just life.

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