I think I like it

I was thinking about my previous post thanks to a commenter (thanks Doc!).

I honestly think it was the BPD talking in that last post. You see, I wasn’t in the best of moods that day, and, naturally, I started seeing things in black and white. Since medicine is the most stressful thing I have going on, it is the most accessible to my black and white thoughts. So, naturally, that day I “hated” medicine.

But then yesterday something happened that changed that train of thought. I interviewed a patient who I built good rapport with. She was HIV+ and came to the hospital due to symptoms of pneumonia, which the doctors suspected was due to Pneumocystis jirovecii (classic case of pneumonia in an HIV+ person). It’s one thing reading about it when you’re studying it, but actually seeing it in real life….I was mind blown.

Then, I went to see the patient I talked about in this post. She welcomed me to her room with a huge smile, and was all cheery. It was such a relief to see her like that in spite of her illness. That makes two patients I built good rapport with. Small triumphs!

I was also talking with another med student yesterday about how we all doubt whether this was the correct career choice. She told me she sometimes wonders about whether she should have done a PhD in botany, which left me thinking that I’m not alone in this, after all. I think the feeling of being lost and wondering whether you made the right choices is rife in medical students.

I wonder all the time whether I made the right career choice, but after these most recent events I think I did make an OK choice. I might wonder all the time whether I should have done a career in art or something like that, but that’s OK.

Plus, if I ever get tired of medicine I could always do something else with my life eventually.

But for now, I think I’m good.

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