I don’t have much to say this time around. I’m stressed and blocking most of my emotions.
I’m angry at M, for cancelling this past week’s appointment. I really needed to talk to her about what happened with my Ex.
I was talking to my mom yesterday about how if I had the chance to repeat medical school I wouldn’t do it at all. Honestly, I wouldn’t. It’s way too much work, way too much sacrifice.
But, after I told her that, I was thinking about whether I like this career after all. I think I don’t. I think the reason I dwell on this so much is because I fear realizing that I don’t like medicine. And, actually, I think I don’t like it that much. Psychiatry is just the specialty I find most tolerable.
I don’t know, maybe it’s the BPD talking. I’m just very frustrated because I feel trapped and want a way out.
Maybe it’s internal medicine.
I don’t know.