Break-free

I am…SO ANGRY.
No, I’m not angry…
…I’M PISSED OFF!

I can’t focus on studying and I tried to paint to dissuade all the negative emotions. But no, I still feel angry, and with reason to be so.

You see, I went out for dinner with my mom and dad last night to a fancy restaurant. I walked in and as soon as I saw who was there I froze. My fucking Ex was there, with his (still) wife, and his daughter. I looked at him, he looked at me…I didn’t know what to do. To make matters worse, the waiter offered to seat us on a table right next to them! But my mother seemed to have seen what happened and she sat on another table, to where I dashed and sat with my back to them.

The whole night I was trembling and nervous and worried until they left. Even then I wasn’t calm. After a while I checked my phone for any messages, and lo and behold, the (still) wife had texted me a menacing message. I texted her back with a smart-ass message, but not insulting. Then, she texted me back insulting me, calling me a “slut”.

I’m so damn pissed off! I can’t believe this happened, and to make matters worse, I won’t be having therapy with M for another week. I thought about self-harming, but I didn’t do it. I’m trying to deal with the negative emotions in a productive way, not letting my borderline personality get in the way.

I told my sister MM what happened, and she told me to forget about them, forget about the whole situation, that I’m better than them. I don’t doubt it for one second, but I’m still very angry.

I know what I did was not right, but to me, it’s all in the past now. To have the (still) wife text me a menacing message like that, and then insult me…wow, that really was the cherry on top. Now I’m having flashbacks, I dreamt about them, and every time I receive a text message I fear it’s her again. It made me want to leave this fucking town once and for all! It made me want to leave for residency! At least then I’ll have some peace of mind.

I just, cannot believe she still has my phone number, after all this time. I mean, how pathetic is that? She obviously lives in a constant fear that her husband, “the saint”, will run off with another woman again. I pity her. That’s all I feel towards her, nothing but PITY.

Well, that’s enough for the rant. I won’t give those people more of my time. Here’s a song that was playing on the radio last night on the way back home that made me want to….break-free and leave!

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