I’m feeling frustrated.

I might get a B in my psychiatry rotation and that kind of brought down my mood. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, being frustrated because of a B, but since psychiatry is the area I’m interested in I want to have the best grades I can in those classes. *sigh*

Other than that I feel very numb. I’ve been feeling like that for a while now, and it’s very frustrating. I don’t feel anything. I can barely write in my diary because I simply have nothing to write about.

And, to make matters worse, I can’t paint. I’ve tried to paint 3 times in a month and I can’t seem to get myself to do anything similar to my previous work. I don’t know if it’s because I’m out of practice or whether I feel numb…but it’s very frustrating and it makes me angry also. I just, don’t feel inspired, at all.

I guess I’m in a rut, art-wise.

Changing the subject, yesterday was my first day in the internal medicine rotation. I didn’t do anything, just follow around the fourth year medical students and begin one patient’s interview, but I can already tell it’s not my thing. I just, don’t see the fun in asking anyone about bowel movements and diabetes.

However, I’ve gotta keep swimming right? Sometimes I feel like medicine is not for me, and if you’ve read this blog before you’ll know that sometimes means almost always and constantly. Right now is one of those times. I’m not a fan of basic, internal medicine, type of things. I’m a fan of psychiatry. I don’t like medicine but I like psychiatry. Does that make any sense?

I’ll post more on that later. Right now I have to go study.


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