Had my third, and final, psychiatry rotation test yesterday. I’m pretty bummed because I didn’t want the rotation to end. But, whatever, I’m still at a stage in my medical education where I have to learn the basics (I guess).
In our last appointment M gave me an assignment. She asked me to envision myself as an artist and then write down how I would feel being an artist. This is what I wrote down:
“If I could be an artist, I think I would feel:
Comfortable, creative, free, free to do things like travel, I wouldn’t feel like I’m trying to fit myself into a small and generic box.”
You see, I’m a very scientifically-oriented person, but at the same time I’m very artistic and creative. The problem is that I don’t know how to consolidate these two realities, which is why sometimes I feel so trapped being in medicine. M wants me to accept myself as I am, and consolidate these two areas.
Sometimes I think I should’ve been an artist. However, I can’t deny there’s a side of me that’s attracted to science, and if I weren’t in medicine I wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with science. Maybe the reason I can’t consolidate art and science is simply because I’m afraid, or maybe because I don’t know of available alternatives.
At times I feel like quitting medical school and leaving everything behind. However, what guarantee do I have that my life would be as I want it if I were to quit medicine? Maybe the problem is more deep rooted than I think and I’m just focusing on medicine simply because it’s the thing that gives me the most stress, the most accessible issue.
Art vs. Science….
Or Art + Science?