Here I am, exhausted, yet again. I spent the day seeing pregnant women along with my attending (senior doctor). I don’t want to sound rude, but in all honesty, pre-natal visits are the most boring in my opinion. It all consists of a perfectly measured routine that doesn’t change no matter what patient you have in front of you: ask how things are going, do Doppler or ultrasonography, and measure fundal height. That’s it. That’s all I did today…or better said, observed, since this particular attending doesn’t seem to like having students doing things. My lower back and my feet are hating me right now after standing around so much.
The only interesting case was that of an old lady who, sadly, seems to have metastatic cancer. She went in the hospital to have a biopsy sample taken. Her story really got to me. Both her parents are still alive and both of them have Alzheimer’s…and guess who takes care of them? Her, of course. It really got to me since I know firsthand how much of a toll taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s can take on you…let alone taking care of two sick people. It was really a very sad story. I had to calm myself down.
As for me…I think I’m doing relatively OK. I’m trying to block my feelings and thoughts just so I can keep on going. I keep thinking about the guy constantly. And when I say constantly, I mean constantly. As in, I keep checking facebook just to see if he’s logged on chat.
I have a huge crush. There, I said it. It’s almost like an addiction.
Fortunately, I haven’t thought about self-harming anymore. I’ve kept thinking about the guy, but no thoughts about self-harming follow. But I know that any moment now I’ll explode again. It’s bound to happen.
Well, I think that’s that for now. I’m exhausted.