Fuck M. Fuck her. Fuck everybody. Fuck everything.
I’m beyond pissed and HURT. I’m tired of all the bullshit. I knew M didn’t care about me, I knew I was nothing to her. I knew it all along, yet I chose not to listen to the voice.
So I was supposed to have my appointment with M today, but as it turns out, she never arrived. After about 45 minutes of waiting, the secretary finally told me that M wouldn’t be able to see me today…and she gave me an appointment for July 9th, not even for next week.
What the hell? WHAT THE HELL? My rational side keeps saying, though feebly: Something probably came up, it’s not her fault. Yet there’s this strong voice that keeps saying: I knew it all along. She doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you.
I’m hurt. Does this mean M is just like the psychologist?
And I just self-harmed. A few cuts on my hip. I’m trying to hold myself from doing it on my wrist. It hurts better there. The hip is too thick.
I’m hurting. What does this all mean?