Day #37

I’m tired. My eyes are starting to look red. Hadn’t noticed until now that so many of my posts start with “I’m tired.” But the show must go on! I honestly don’t have much to say this time around. I’m just very stressed. I’ve been studying more intensely, as Step 1 is 3 weeks away. Yikes…

I’ve been pushing M away all these days. Been writing less in my diary. Been thinking less. I’m just on autopilot. Study, study, study. I keep doubting M’s intentions, and I keep doubting whether she actually cares about me, or if I’m just another patient to her. A demanding patient, at that. I keep thinking I’m just the “BPD patient” to her. Wait, is it me, or is it the voice telling me so? Hmmm….

We’ll see what happens on this week’s appointment. I have a feeling things are about to get interesting.

But you know what? You know what I do want to mention? I’m just glad BPD and depression haven’t gotten in the way of my studying. Let’s see if I can do this 3 more weeks.

Study, study, study…and study some more.

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