Unreal

I feel…strange.
I feel like my life is not real.
Maybe I’m just really tired?
Maybe if I ignore the feeling long enough it’ll go away…

***

I’ve been OK these last few days, pretty stable. I wonder when the next breakdown will be…I guess with BPD and depression you can always count on something happening soon.

So it just so happens that we’re in our Psychiatry block right now in school, which is awesome for me because I’m loving it and reveling in all it’s wonderful-ness.

However, something I can’t help but notice is other medical students’ reactions when we’re learning about psychiatric illnesses. Some seem to think it’s funny. Like, for example, when we were learning about schizophrenia and how auditory hallucinations are a possibility. The professor had us do an exercise where we were made to feel like we were hearing voices. Some people didn’t take it seriously and just laughed the whole thing off.

It makes me angry, really, these reactions. The whole taboo associated with mental illness just makes me very angry. It makes me feel like less of a person for being afflicted with psychiatric illness. I honestly don’t understand how someone could possibly find funny that another person would hear voices, or have delusional thoughts. It’s all very painful, period.

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