Now she knows

Been doing better since my previous post, mainly because they called me from M’s office telling me I would be having therapy on Tuesday. Then, M called me personally to make sure I’d received the call and to ask how I was. I felt special just because she did that, I felt she actually cared about me. It also made me feel bad for seeing her in such negative light these last couple of days. I definitely have a long way to go when it comes to not listening to thoughts of splitting.

But, what I really want to talk about is the fact that I told my sister, MM, about my self-harm. I decided to tell her because I want to be as honest as possible with her. I was thinking about it for awhile now, wondering whether I should tell her, and finally decided to just do it.

She was shocked, didn’t know what to say. I kind of regretted telling her, because of her reaction. But I can’t expect her to not be shocked and worried about me, she is my sister after all. I just don’t want her to worry too much about me. I also told her about the commitment I made with M to not self-harm, and she asked me if I could make a commitment with her too. I said yes. It’s not like I want to keep doing it.

I guess I just feel weird, knowing that my sister knows now about my self-harming. It’s like this strange, gut-wrenching feeling. Now I just have to figure out how to tell her about my Ex.

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