It’s not you, it’s me

I feel very triggered right now. I’m trying to ride out the feeling of wanting to cut or simply do something.

I was just talking with my sister, MM, on Skype. Everything was fine, we were just talking, as usual. Then my mom came into the room and sat beside me to say hi to MM. After a few minutes things just turned crappy. MM got mad at mom because of something she said. Mom said good bye and left the room.

I then proceeded to try and talk with MM, but she said she didn’t want to talk anymore. So, I said it was OK and said good bye.

The reason I’m triggered is because NO, it wasn’t OK. I was hurt. I felt I was the problem. My irrational brain keeps saying: “She doesn’t want to talk with you.”

I really hate how sensitive having a borderline personality makes me. Instead of thinking “OK, MM is angry at mom, not me,” I’m thinking: “She’s angry at me. I must be the problem because she didn’t want to talk with me anymore.” My eyes even watered a bit after I said good bye to MM.

Out of all the characteristics of a person with BPD, I think sensitivity is the one I hate the most.

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