Nervous

So, it’s official…I’ll be going to an initial evaluation on Monday to begin the partial hospitalization program. This will be right after the test I’m studying for, which I’ll probably fail…

I’m really nervous and anxious. What should I expect? What are the people going to be like? Will I like it? Will it be a waste of time? However, I have nothing to lose. It’s worth a try.

I feel like I don’t deserve this partial hospitalization, like I’m not “sick enough”. 

Yesterday I cut again. At least they’re small and superficial, nothing serious. It was due to a very BPD thing of me. I was expecting a call from M and the hours just kept passing. So, I eventually started feeling abandoned and my irrational brain couldn’t cope, so I ended up cutting. M eventually called. She kept her promise. *Sigh* When will I learn to cope with these feelings in an appropriate way?

That’s that for today. I have to study (a lot).

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