Ironic how I just used the word “happy” and it has absolutely nothing to do with my mood. I’m still struggling. I fear I may be relapsing into severe depression again. I hope not. I certainly hope not.
I’m usually not the type of person to give thanks for anything whatsoever on Thanksgiving, but this year I will be for the first time. I am thankful for: my family, my doctor, my sister….who’ve all unknowingly helped me so much during this tough journey. Depression is not something I want to have, at all. However, it has changed my life on so many levels, has brought me many things to give thanks for. It changed my previously non-existent relationship with my sister and gave me a little bit of bravery to face the pain. Also, ironically, had it not been for depression, I would still be in an abusive relationship. Finally, it gave me my relationship with my doctor/therapist, which gives me hope and strength to survive through this hell. So many changes in my life for good, even if what I’m experiencing is darkness.
It all makes me want to hold onto life in my darkest moments.